Dry

It's quite nearly December now, and the weather is still deciding whether to stick to cold or get hot and bothered. I really hope it goes one way or the other because I am not that good at picking outfits regardless of moody weather. I figured out what was wrong with my Yugioh deck, I didn't have enough strong monsters. Yeah. Not enough. Well, I'm still looking at Magic the Gathering as an alternative possibility.

The atmosphere is dry. My conversations are dry. My throat is dry. The leaves are dry. The well has run dry. Just kidding I don't know of a well anywhere nearby. Remember that relationships thing I was talking about last time? Maybe not? It's okay you don't have to. Just know that I failed. I dried out.

Squad Leader

I have found a single train of thought I can follow through each time. I've gone through it three times now. I am sure it's true. I think.
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I wanted to be a caretaker. I wanted to help people when they needed it. Like my section leader when I was just a lowly freshman. (Ninth grader).  She was so nice, and helpful, and kind. It seemed like she was prepared to help someone with their problems at anytime, even when she had her own. I wanted to be like that. Appreciated and remembered kindly. But I can't couldn't even handle my own problems. I break like a twig, snap like straw; I can't do what I wish I could do let alone help others with their problems. In part I have identified it's my character, I need to change myself and break my bad habits first. But until then this has led to me being just alone and unable to connect like I had once dreamed. The freshmen now are well off, they have their own struggles but I think they can handle them. I check on them every once in awhile "Are things going alright?" but I don't know if it's really enough. I know it's not enough. He wants to fit in more. I can see it. She and he need to make up or something before it affects the rest of the section. He craves attention and I listen to his stories when I can. Our section leader is doing a fantastic job at raising morale though. I am sure that when I am gone he will be able to lead. But for now, am I doing a good enough job? Squad leader. What a joke title. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. I just sit there crushed under my own burden, watching but unable to act when I see them struggle too. I've come up with a motto for our little group though. Jamais Oublier. Never forget. Does it seem good internets? I'm just asking because I want a little opinion before I present it to them. And I know who has the most opinions. I can't solve that relationship problem, because I can't relate at all I don't know anything at all about relationships. But let's save that for another post.