Review

Sometimes review sessions are good. Is that too vague? Lemme try that again.

Sometimes review sessions are productive in the positive sense. Yeah that sounds better. The ones where you go and discuss things and the instructor has good handouts and/or helpful advice and at the end when you think it couldn't have gone any better they pass around a plate of cookies and say thanks for coming. But then sometimes review sessions feel kind of heavy. Like you have questions about the subject covered in class but so does everyone else because the topic of the original lecture was confusing or too much to handle all at once. And they try I know they do bless their hearts but sometimes you just cannot answer everyone's questions or explain it in depth in those forty to fifty minutes. I don't think this situation can be qualified as a "problem" because it's just the way review sessions go sometimes and anyone would be hard-pressed to think of a solution if it ain't a problem. That's all I got on the subject of review sessions.

I know it too

There was a house fire less than two blocks away in my neighborhood today. What's a person supposed to say when that happens? "I'm sorry for your loss" "We'll pray for you" "What can we do to help?" And those are things I could genuinely say. But it doesn't feel like enough. The worst part is I know how they feel. My family moved seven years ago because of a house fire. I didn't have shoes for a day because I ran out screaming fire, call 911, the house is on fire. Flames threatening to envelop the whole house, one room at a time. You think it's bad while the fire is raging. It's worse when you try to salvage what you have from the remains. A collection of smoky, damp toys, books, appliances; never to be used again. The ceiling fans are grayer than they ever could be from dust, and there's a wavy shadow that sits where the walls meet the floor in the room, in every room. I don't even know if that was from the fire or the high pressure water sprayed to quench the fire. Over time you'll be able to move on, I promise.  I wish I could convey the feelings I had to them. It's so hard for me to talk to people I don't really know. If you ever read this, neighbors, know that I'm praying every day for your safety and future.

More to give

Sometimes love means sacrifice right? I mean, I've been thinking see-living means survival and survival means you gotta have self-interest to keep on living. But if you care about something just as much or maybe more than your own survival, then you have to devote some of your interest and your life to that other thing that you love. And that's kind of a definition of sacrifice right? 

A Feeling for Weekends

It is a cold and cruel world out there. Apathy abounds and every glare is dagger-sharp, cutting like the wind across the skin. But it's okay because inside, the people you love are waiting to warm you up with kindness and pancakes. Thank you.

I've never experienced a revival before. My only knowledge of revivals comes from a history lesson about a certain preacher and his sermon in the 1700s. But as it turns out, a revival speaker really does fill your soul with emotions zealous and powerful. It's like with every beat of his heart thoughts are formed and words are manifested and awaiting the moment when they burst forth from his mouth like a river whose dam gate has been opened.

And I fell asleep two times, studied for the calculus test tomorrow, and worked on friendship bracelets.

How was your weekend?

Ready?

I used to think if I dreamed hard enough, it would come true. I thought if I believed in something with passion-a fire-a tremendous fury, it could happen. But I don't dream any more. I don't know what to think anymore, let alone believe. I should have kept to the straight road, should have stayed away from the edges. I could have clung to something stable, an immovable object. I was distracted, and still am. I have trouble paying attention and studying. I can't blame others. It was my fault, and still is. I pray on a daily basis, and ask for the help of everyone around me. I keep going. Sometimes I wish I could be the man I envisioned. Now I wash my hands of my past. I don't really  know if that means anything anymore. But I'll keep going as long as I have breath. You ready? I am. Alrighty-ok.

Regionals

Hey did you know I made region band? Neither did I until yesterday. Turns out someone dropped out four days before the thing was scheduled to take place. So three days ago (yesterday) I was told that I had the opportunity to go as an alternate. Yay! That's the best news anyone could get right? Well they told me while I was busy stressing about the quizzes and tests and skit that I was supposed to be studying for today and I near had a breakdown. Man, I don't even know. Like if someone told you you won the lottery right before you were going to play basketball for reals or something. I passed two quizzes, failed one, fell asleep but somewhat completed a test, performed fairly well in the skit, and gave a presentation about a game server today. I filled a whole page of notebook paper with check marks and I don't even remember what half of them were for now. There's a slight throbbing in the back of my head right now. I think a nap is necessary.

Quite a Mindful

I wish I was smarter sometimes. Like in that movie where the guy took a drug and he unlocked the other 90% of his brain or something. You would think that people would use more than 10% of their brain, I mean call us the millennial generation or any other nickname, but I don't think humans are that stupid.
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My brain hurts. A better way of saying that is I thought I could handle everything and so far it all seems okay but for some reason my head hurts. I've been going to bed okay early like 11:30 which is when I put my head down on the pillow, rather than start preparing to go to bed and all that. I've been thinking a lot about this girl  but I talk to her too so it's not that. Calculus and Physics and College Applications are rough like sandpaper but I'm not crushed under their weight yet so..I dunno. Maybe just more sleep. I've been praying a lot lately too. Situations seem to get more dire for people everyday. And when those people are close to me, those situations are close to me too. Maybe people could have like a backup brain to think regular everyday thoughts while the normal brain thinks about the important stuff. I think I have that backwards. My uncle says he has two stomachs, one for regular meals and the other for dessert. I know he's kidding, but the idea applies to hard drives and similar stuff right?