Singular

So I went back to Arkansas for the weekend. It was nice, it was a "break" even though I have a test and a debate on the following Monday (tomorrow), and finals are starting on the Wednesday of the same week (this week). During the weekend, at my dad's old company's reunion thing, I met a girl. This isn't a post about a crush. I mean,  she was pretty and all but... the main thing was I found out she was in the same kind of situation as me. Parent's job: Same. School worries: She was a junior, but college was on both our minds. L I felt like we were on the same page in the great big book of everything or something y'know? Maybe I was just craving company. I don't even know sometimes. 

I thought I felt something though. Like in that song Soul Sister by Train? I really like that one. It was just a weird coincidence I guess, nothing more.

Dry

It's quite nearly December now, and the weather is still deciding whether to stick to cold or get hot and bothered. I really hope it goes one way or the other because I am not that good at picking outfits regardless of moody weather. I figured out what was wrong with my Yugioh deck, I didn't have enough strong monsters. Yeah. Not enough. Well, I'm still looking at Magic the Gathering as an alternative possibility.

The atmosphere is dry. My conversations are dry. My throat is dry. The leaves are dry. The well has run dry. Just kidding I don't know of a well anywhere nearby. Remember that relationships thing I was talking about last time? Maybe not? It's okay you don't have to. Just know that I failed. I dried out.

Squad Leader

I have found a single train of thought I can follow through each time. I've gone through it three times now. I am sure it's true. I think.
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I wanted to be a caretaker. I wanted to help people when they needed it. Like my section leader when I was just a lowly freshman. (Ninth grader).  She was so nice, and helpful, and kind. It seemed like she was prepared to help someone with their problems at anytime, even when she had her own. I wanted to be like that. Appreciated and remembered kindly. But I can't couldn't even handle my own problems. I break like a twig, snap like straw; I can't do what I wish I could do let alone help others with their problems. In part I have identified it's my character, I need to change myself and break my bad habits first. But until then this has led to me being just alone and unable to connect like I had once dreamed. The freshmen now are well off, they have their own struggles but I think they can handle them. I check on them every once in awhile "Are things going alright?" but I don't know if it's really enough. I know it's not enough. He wants to fit in more. I can see it. She and he need to make up or something before it affects the rest of the section. He craves attention and I listen to his stories when I can. Our section leader is doing a fantastic job at raising morale though. I am sure that when I am gone he will be able to lead. But for now, am I doing a good enough job? Squad leader. What a joke title. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. I just sit there crushed under my own burden, watching but unable to act when I see them struggle too. I've come up with a motto for our little group though. Jamais Oublier. Never forget. Does it seem good internets? I'm just asking because I want a little opinion before I present it to them. And I know who has the most opinions. I can't solve that relationship problem, because I can't relate at all I don't know anything at all about relationships. But let's save that for another post.

Below the average

Have you ever been in a high school class? I bet you have, internets, I bet you have. And you know when you see the class average and you sigh in relief? Happy that at the very least, you're not below the class average, you're better than the lower half? Not for me.

It sucks. I've never been there before. I never did so bad that the class average was above me and mocked me for my pathetic-ness. Is it my mentality? Is it my study habits? Is it me as a person that's a complete and total failure? I don't really care about class rank; I just want my GPA to stay at least high enough to where colleges will still consider me. I don't know. I really just don't know. 

Talk, Talk, Talk. Say something wouldja?

Well. I screwed up again. But it has nothing to do with school this time. I finished a physics lab and got my homework on a timely schedule for tomorrow, despite the band contest today in which we qualified for area.
Yay. Now I have a different issue to vent about.

I suck at talking to people. Like this blog is alright with everything I say, but in real life it's tough for me to say stuff to people. I know I'm not that good at talking, so I stay silent until I think of something relevant/funny/important when it's appropriate to/when no one else is saying anything. I hate to interrupt others, and it bugs me when people are listening to some story and say No and proceed to one-up it. I mean, one-ups are funny sometimes but it's important to let the original speaker finish y'know?
And then there's the whole don't talk to strangers deal. It's not that I'm afraid to talk to people I don't know too well (that's pretty much it). Guts. That's what I need. I would tell that ozzy wizrd "Yo, hit me up with some courage like that lion man." Then he would say something like "You got guts to say stuff like that man, don't come here asking for things you already got." Most of all it's my eye contact issue. Do I stare a lot? I guess I do. But what the hell am I supposed to do while I'm thinking? Meditate? (That's not really how I roll) It just so happens that I end up making eye contact with a whole mess of people that I normally never would even talk to while I'm thinking of something else. Am I leading them on? Is that even possible? Maybe I think too much about these things, think too much about things in general in the wrong way.

Wow. That was quite a rant. Sometimes I wish I was born saying stupid stuff all the time without thinking.

Updates?

You may be asking how is life right now? Or not. It's okay if you aren't interested. That's what this blog is for anyhow.

I think things are manageable right now. Maybe it's my habits again. I wrote about how habits are one of the defining characteristics of a person in my college app essay. Which I need to finish soon. I got lots of tests quizzes and work in AP gov. It's not bad though, y'know just gotta read a lot and be able to say what it says. Band is fun, we went to a game and a contest just this weekend, I'm tired like heck but it was fun. Gotta finish up studying and stuff. I think it really is bad habits, like checking Reddit every five seconds and finding a song that fits my mood on YouTube  Oh! I almost forgot. I'm gonna write a scary story during October as prep for NaNoWriMo in November. Preparing is fun when the thing you're preparing for is fun. Yeah.

Debate

Man did you see that debate? It was crazy, even though I know most of the stuff they said was scripted. There were like two good burns from Romney and I noticed an implied takedown from Obama. Heh. it was fun to watch at first, but then as it got one sided I felt really bad. Like in Dota 2 or League of Legends when you know the other team is getting fed and gets strong enough to and will crush your team into the dirt. You put up some defense but in the end it turns into a pubstomp and they get 

RAMPAGE or PENTAKILL 

several times before ending the game. I stopped watching after a while, I only needed a page and some for the extra credit. I gotta finish my other homework too, and then college apps. Sigh.

Rollercoaster

I dunno if it's the hormones or just the fact that I'm mentally and physically exhausted like all the time. My emotions are out of control. Like I was grinning all through lunch and then after that calc quiz I could barely drag my feet. The ap gov free response kicked my butt and then i had a physics lab but I felt good chilling with my friends while trying to figure out how the vertical velocity has anything to do with the volume of the water. (not usually). Well for backup I also pack candy when I'm feeling low. Any advice?

AP classes

So last year, I took one AP class. It wasn't bad, it was tough but I learned a lot and had fun making it through with my classmates. This year, being my last in high school I thought it would be a good idea to take several AP classes, to prepare myself for college. It was a bad idea. The novelty of having one AP class wore off as I now deal with more reading, more homework and a greater demand of understanding from three different classes. I know what you're thinking, "why did he do it?" I'm not sure exactly. I think I got caught up in the flow, and got carried away. My advice is to take as much as you think you can handle, since life will present its own challenges and tests. Embrace the happiness that comes with just living.

Toads

The other day i was walking the dog. And on the sidewalk I saw a toad trying to eat a lizard. I could tell because it was a slithering tail, not a tongue that was thrashing in the toad's mouth. The toad struggled to keep it inside. On the exact (okay maybe not exact) opposite side of the neighborhood, I saw a toad that sat there in the middle of the sidewalk minding its own business, not even moving when the dog walked over it. This would be a really good fable if there was a moral to this story. I dunno, make one up.

Summer Days

It's been raining a lot this week. Most of the time it's hot so combined together the weather has been real humid. I've been volunteering at the library for the past two months, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because i heard colleges like to see effort, since i don't have a job. Mostly I've been playing dota 2 and other things and haven't really gotten to cleaning my room. I'll have a picture up shortly, I've been taking art classes.

Keep It Together

I have a picture of jellyfish. It's on the other computer though. Next time I'll put it in a post. 
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Is this impromptu? In speech class I always stumble my way through the impromptu speech but manage a B. Oh well, it's good for what it's worth anyhow. I feel like things are collapsing right now. Like I'm collapsing right now. Are the teachers trying to make sure we can't get to 12th grade with a (hopefully) A average? There are more stumbles, more mistakes, more naps that go by unnoticed until I realized something wasn't quite right. I know I need to pull it together and finish with a bang but I feel like I'm falling apart. Remember you're not allowed to quit until it's over. 

Smile because sunshine is good for your teeth

I heard that it's true. Well here's the next picture. I feel kind of bad I had it ready a week a ago but never got around to scanning it in. The family computer is almost dead but the scanner still works so everything's good. I should probably have my pictures backed up somewhere. By the way, the dodo is holding an eternal windmill.

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It's been alright. I've wasted time on the computer when I shouldn't have. I tried to make a guest comic for mycardboardlife but I didn't finish in time. I finished a project that was due two days later and didn't study for two tests that were the next day. I shall continue next time. Watch for the edit.

Post Disney...Tired

So they saved the cloudfish and brought it home. Sorry I didn't have the picture up earlier; I think I misplaced my black pen after the Disney trip. Speaking of which, I have some sketches I drew during the trip that I can scan in too. What do yall think? Should I scan in the sketches or incorporate them into new pictures?

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Disney was fun; I did a lot of walking but I didn't get any blisters :). I got to hang out with friends and friends of friends; it's better to have a reason to get to know people rather than just approaching them head-on. I think it just makes things less awkward overall. I rode all the "scary" rides that I never had the courage to when I was eleven. I also did all the fun ones I remember riding as a kid. Having friends with me made things kind of fun actually, but I have to say Space Mountain wasn't really my cup of tea (the spinning teacup ride was fun); the high point of that ride was seeing the photo of Jacob successfully flashing the camera. The groups I hung out with did all sorts of things for the cameras; like the YMCA, pretending to make-out with ourselves, puppy-dog faces. The plane trips were pretty alright, both to and from. The bus ride to the airport was pretty good, but the bus ride back...was terrible. Cold, wet, and tired, everyone was either attempting to sleep or complaining. I passed out around midnight but was rudely woken and forced to stay wide awake till one thirty in the morning.
Still recovering sort of. I hope to be back on track by at least Saturday, or before Spring Break is over and school starts again.

Cloudfish and Disney World

Cloudfish aren't exactly the smartest fish in the sea sky. But it's okay. Survival of the fittest is over-rated anyway.

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Been real busy lately. Tests, projects, and just plain boring homework. But it's almost spring break! And the band is headed to Disney World. There's about a hundred and twenty band members going. It'll be fun! But plenty of traveling time in between, which means plenty of time to sketch! So when I get back on Sunday, I'll have another picture for y'all.

Rainy Days

So this is the start of a story-line! On a related note, it rained basically everyday last week. We'll probably never see that much rain the rest of this year. It was pretty heavy. Before it was cold and dry but I like the way the air smells after the rain stops.

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Lately I feel like I've been making the wrong decisions. I thought I was making the right choices, but my parents  seem to contradict everything I do. I guess they know best. I just want to develop those skills properly before next year. I plan to try out for section leader (of the french horns!) next year when I'm a senior. It looks good on a college application.. Plus the other juniors are going to try out too. Then we'll be a triumvirate, like Caesar's, you know, except we won't kill each other or stab each other in the back. Kind of like Caesar's.

Thinking

Sorry about not having a picture. I've been thinking real hard lately, and I've decided that I'll post more regularly but have drawings mostly when I feel like it. That's the way life is, I guess. On to the real post.

I have done some thinking the past few weeks, as referenced in the above statements, and I've come to believe that I am not a ranker kind of person. I mean, GPA is real important and all, and I'll still go for the 4.0 (that's my goal) but I realized that I can't chase after something that for right now is impossible. I'm happy with whatever rank I get, because I try my hardest and so my grades will reflect it. But I have my moments of weakness, and that's mainly what I'm working on right now. As part of my dedication, I even built an MOC called Sloth, the Former King, as I continue to strive to become a better person, as a whole. My life quality drops every time I fall into a brood mood (when I try to think things out properly, you know?) but I'm hoping that there will be a long period between now and the next time I have to go face to face with my issues. Thanks for listening I guess. I have a list of good songs that helped me whenever I'm in a funk. I'll list them tmrw.

EDIT: Here we go. Only Time-Enya, Africa-Toto, Bridge over Troubled Water-Simon and Garfunkel, Perfect Day-Jim Jones, Forward Motion-Relient K, Move Along-All American Rejects, Get Through This-Art of Dying. Lemme know if you have any suggestions!

Undercover

I'm still working on technique and stuff.
School isn't too bad right now, just physics.
I think I might start on a storyline.

This here's a stick-up!

My first post! on my first blog!