Below the average

Have you ever been in a high school class? I bet you have, internets, I bet you have. And you know when you see the class average and you sigh in relief? Happy that at the very least, you're not below the class average, you're better than the lower half? Not for me.

It sucks. I've never been there before. I never did so bad that the class average was above me and mocked me for my pathetic-ness. Is it my mentality? Is it my study habits? Is it me as a person that's a complete and total failure? I don't really care about class rank; I just want my GPA to stay at least high enough to where colleges will still consider me. I don't know. I really just don't know. 

Talk, Talk, Talk. Say something wouldja?

Well. I screwed up again. But it has nothing to do with school this time. I finished a physics lab and got my homework on a timely schedule for tomorrow, despite the band contest today in which we qualified for area.
Yay. Now I have a different issue to vent about.

I suck at talking to people. Like this blog is alright with everything I say, but in real life it's tough for me to say stuff to people. I know I'm not that good at talking, so I stay silent until I think of something relevant/funny/important when it's appropriate to/when no one else is saying anything. I hate to interrupt others, and it bugs me when people are listening to some story and say No and proceed to one-up it. I mean, one-ups are funny sometimes but it's important to let the original speaker finish y'know?
And then there's the whole don't talk to strangers deal. It's not that I'm afraid to talk to people I don't know too well (that's pretty much it). Guts. That's what I need. I would tell that ozzy wizrd "Yo, hit me up with some courage like that lion man." Then he would say something like "You got guts to say stuff like that man, don't come here asking for things you already got." Most of all it's my eye contact issue. Do I stare a lot? I guess I do. But what the hell am I supposed to do while I'm thinking? Meditate? (That's not really how I roll) It just so happens that I end up making eye contact with a whole mess of people that I normally never would even talk to while I'm thinking of something else. Am I leading them on? Is that even possible? Maybe I think too much about these things, think too much about things in general in the wrong way.

Wow. That was quite a rant. Sometimes I wish I was born saying stupid stuff all the time without thinking.

Updates?

You may be asking how is life right now? Or not. It's okay if you aren't interested. That's what this blog is for anyhow.

I think things are manageable right now. Maybe it's my habits again. I wrote about how habits are one of the defining characteristics of a person in my college app essay. Which I need to finish soon. I got lots of tests quizzes and work in AP gov. It's not bad though, y'know just gotta read a lot and be able to say what it says. Band is fun, we went to a game and a contest just this weekend, I'm tired like heck but it was fun. Gotta finish up studying and stuff. I think it really is bad habits, like checking Reddit every five seconds and finding a song that fits my mood on YouTube  Oh! I almost forgot. I'm gonna write a scary story during October as prep for NaNoWriMo in November. Preparing is fun when the thing you're preparing for is fun. Yeah.

Debate

Man did you see that debate? It was crazy, even though I know most of the stuff they said was scripted. There were like two good burns from Romney and I noticed an implied takedown from Obama. Heh. it was fun to watch at first, but then as it got one sided I felt really bad. Like in Dota 2 or League of Legends when you know the other team is getting fed and gets strong enough to and will crush your team into the dirt. You put up some defense but in the end it turns into a pubstomp and they get 

RAMPAGE or PENTAKILL 

several times before ending the game. I stopped watching after a while, I only needed a page and some for the extra credit. I gotta finish my other homework too, and then college apps. Sigh.